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After multiple weeks of upheaval at home, an endless work schedule and the added stress of the wedding venue you booked over a year ago going bust, I am understandably exhausted. Well and truly pooped with the biggest bags under my eyes. It's a pretty sight, I can tell you.
At times like this, you want to be treated a little kindly.
Unfortunately, I was faced with a bit of a social dilemma: What to do when someone comments on your weight.
It seems like when you are due to be getting married (less than 5 months now), you are fair game for the rest of the world to freely comment on your weight, diet and whether you will be losing those pounds any time soon.
Personally, I need to lose weight. My BMI tells me that I'm obese ( I hate that word with a passion) and to be healthy, I need to drop a couple of stones. In reality, I know I am never going to be a size 10. Looking at photos of 5 generations of women in my family, we are all the same: Short, large busted, and carrying all our weight around our middles. Genetics are genetics, I'm not going to fight that.
I'm happy to talk about this myself, it's my body, my weight and my situation. What I can't stand is the thought that other people can comment on this, seemingly guilt free. You wouldn't walk up to someone and tell them they are too fat (at least I would hope you wouldn't).
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So why is it that once you have announced your engagement, people find it acceptable to constantly ask 'So are you on a wedding diet?' 'Is the dress going to fit?' and 'At least after the wedding you can eat what you want'. Shocking behaviour.
So, the trigger for this post? Being told this week: "You'd better stop eating those crisps or you're not going to fit into that wedding dress". I could have cried.
In fact, I ordered my dress online a year ago, it was custom made to fit ME, not an anorexic version of myself. I hate the expectation that in the lead up to my wedding I'm supposed to eat nothing but dust and Ryvita.
I like eating healthily, I do try to balance my diet- it just so happens that there haven't been enough hours in the week to actually go food shopping for fresh ingredients, so grabbing a quick packet of crisps on the way out of the front door was a way to ensure I ate something that particular day.
Has anyone else experienced this,is it socially acceptable, or am I just overreacting as a result of my epic tiredness levels...?
You're not overreacting at all, that's awful, people do not have the right to comment on your appearance or diet unless you have specifically asked them too.
ReplyDeleteI'm not in any way approaching marriage but I feel there is so much rubbish placed on women about what's expected of them for their weddings
I hope it gets better for you.
http://ahandfulofhope.blogspot.co.uk/
Ugh, women's bodies are constantly treated as public property and entertainment to be commented on. You just tell those negative, careless, brainwashed people to go fuck themselves (internally or externally ;))! You are beautiful and I'm glad you have a healthy attitude about your body. It's yours, no one else's. Love it because you live in it everyday!
ReplyDeleteYou're going to look gorgeous in your dress and I can't wait to see! xo
That is horrible! I can't believe they would actually say that to you! If you're eating a bag of crisps what is it to them? You are definitely not overreacting and if anything, these people should be commending you for the mature approach you have towards your body. Crash wedding diets and stressing over your weight is far from healthy. Accepting your body type, eating a balanced diet and dressing accordingly is.
ReplyDeleteThat's horrendous. People should be treating you better than usual, not worse! I've never had a comment about my weight (I'm plus-size, though I hate that term, plus what?!), but if I did it would roll off me, except if it had been in my wedding run-up. I was so stressed I would probably have punched them!! I think losing weight for a wedding is silly to be honest, you just wouldn't look like yourself if you lost lots of weight for one day!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you are having to deal with this, it's so awful! I got comments about diets and things like that right before my wedding, and to everyone I just said no I am not dieting. And if they said 'aren't you worried about not fitting into your dress' I said nope, because just like you I got my dress custom fit to me, the actual size I was/am. I'm not sure why it's gotten into peoples head that if you are getting married you had better hit the negative numbers on your waistline, it's just silly.
ReplyDeleteTry not to let the comments get to you, because I know you are going to look gorgeous on your big day!
And you DO look, AMAZING, GORGEOUS AND BEAUTIFUL in THAT dress....cos I've seen you in it!!! And I'm your mamma, and I can say what I like.....FACT! You are going to KNOCK EM DEAD on your special day....so there! Any more grief, and mamma will be sorting them ALL out! Roll on I say! Xx
ReplyDeletewell said mamma!
DeleteOh, I know what You mean. I suffered from eating disorders when I was younger and my relationship with food and scales is not an easy one even now. If You're happy in skin- well it's all that matters. Do not give yourself extra stress :)And trust me - You'll be so busy and possibly stressed before Your wedding that You'll lose some weight whether You want it or not ;)
ReplyDeleteI think you always look fab in the photo's you post on here,it's awful that people would comment on your weight - we all have our own "normal". I can't wait to see the actual dress, I imagine it to be a very stylish and individual dress perfectly suited to you. How awful about the wedding venue, have you found anywhere else yet? Good luck x
ReplyDeleteThat's terrible! I keep thinking I should lose weight before our wedding but, actually, I haven't made any steps towards that. I think it's because I'm not acturally that fussed.
ReplyDeleteBecky
xx
Likewise - at the moment, it's the last of my worries!
DeleteYou're definitely not over-reacting - making negative comments about somebody's weight is just plain rude, especially when it's not done in a remotely constructive manner. At the end of the day, if you're happy & comfortable in yourself then that's the most important thing and I think that's a much better place to be than putting extra pressure on yourself to lose weight for your wedding! xx
ReplyDeleteweight in general is such a personal and touchy subject. had you BEEN 'plus sized' (Louise is right, plus what?!) no-one would think of suggesting you lose weight or eat healthy, because it's socially acceptable to BE plus size. when you're small and cushiony like us, it's easier for people to judge cos they think we CHOSE to let ourselves go.. oh no, this body was NOT my choice. I got it from mym mamma.
ReplyDeletefacepalm this.
Deletebody shaming is never ever ever ever cool.
You are my on your own, I've had comments from work colleagues asking if I'm going to diet, and to stop eating cake. No way, yes I am fat and yes I love cake. But my fiancé loves me like that and I won't change for anyone else. This is one of the reasons I'm not having a large wedding with only family invited, I don't expected to be back stabbed on my wedding day (:
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for your support everyone. It's really appreciated. I didn't write this as a pity post, and I'm glad it hasn't been taken that way. It's shocking to think that so many of us feel the same way. We can have our cake and eat it too - sod everyone else! :)
ReplyDeletethese all "wedding diets" and etc only reminds me arranged marriages when you see your husband for the first time ON your wedding day, so of course, you have to look the best! Anyway, don't worry about those talks, you're gonna be the most beautiful bride evah!
ReplyDeleteGahhhh, people are eejits! I always get commens about "my diet" even though I'm not on one. Cos I'm a bit of a fatty folk assume I must be trying to lose it whereas I'm quite contented in my chubby state! Good on you for not letting it affect you too much. You'll look gorge on your big day!xxx
ReplyDeleteOh dear. Who does that!? Plus, who would ever give up crisps :P
ReplyDeleteThanks for sponsoring my blog lovely!! Can't believe you live in norwich!!! Finally starting to find some local bloggers. Yay :)
Jen | sunny sweet pea xx